I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
