Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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