did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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