i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
