No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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