Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
