I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
