we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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