Your mouth is God's brothel.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
