it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
