I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
