I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
