I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
