So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
