I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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