i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
