sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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