Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
