eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
