So drunk its hurt
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
