if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
