A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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