i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
