My room smells like vodka and shame
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
