ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
