having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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