Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
