yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
