lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
