your parents love me but you hate me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize