Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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