You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize