whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
