I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
