I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
