well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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