Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize