So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
