somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
