You're my little dorito
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
