He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
