we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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