If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
