bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
