If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize