he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
