Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
