if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
