Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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