I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
