you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
