Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
