when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
