So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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