Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
