There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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