Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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