If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
