go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
