i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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