one word: firstdatebathroomanal
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
