I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
