yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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