I just threw up on my dentist
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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