Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
