And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
