I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
