Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
