Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
