Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
